Touching the Mezuzah

First published in 2012.

A mezuzah (Hebrew: מְזוּזָה‎ “doorpost”; plural: מְזוּזוֹת mezuzot) is a piece of parchment (often contained in a decorative case) inscribed with specified Hebrew verses from the Torah.

ט וּכְתַבְתָּם עַל-מְזֻזוֹת בֵּיתֶךָ, וּבִשְׁעָרֶיךָ. {ס} 9 And thou shalt write them upon the door-posts of thy house, and upon thy gates. {S}
                                        Deuteronomy 6:9

It’s almost 4:30 and I have three more patients to see before my Christmas mini-vacation can begin. Snow and sleet are beginning to fall outside. Our lab tech, who leaves between 3 and 3:30, just called from home to warn the rest of us that she had seen nine moose on Route 1, probably attracted by the road salt.

“Three encounters in thirty minutes”, I think to myself, “and neither of them completely straightforward”. I used to shudder when healthcare administrators called medical office visits “encounters” , but the more I have thought about it, the truer the word rings to me. Two people meet briefly and try their best to communicate in spite of sometimes very different viewpoints and agendas. I remember the phrase “Marriage Encounter” from my first visit to this country in the early 1970’s – an event where couples learn to see each other with new eyes and communicate more effectively.

I have three fellow human beings to interact with and offer some sort of healing to in three very brief visits. Three times I pause at the doorway before entering my exam room, the space temporarily occupied by someone who has come for my assessment or advice. Three times I summarize to myself what I know before clearing my mind and opening myself up to what I may not know or understand with my intellect alone. Three times I quietly invoke the source of my calling.

4:35 – In Room 1 sits Bill Boland, the fellow who always sasses me for my habit of knocking on the exam room door before I enter. He had been in with pneumonia and his x-ray came back suspicious for a tumor. The purpose of today’s follow-up visit is to make sure he is feeling better and to tell Bill he will need more testing. I raise my hand in an automatic door knocking gesture, but catch myself and instead touch the doorframe briefly and take a slow breath before entering the exam room, ready to deliver the disturbing news.

4: 50 – In Room 2 sits Wally Parker, here to talk about his blood sugars. His wife is in the hospital with a lower GI bleed, and her colonoscopy showed an ulcerated tumor that is almost certainly malignant. “Why is he here tonight instead of at Mary’s bedside?” I ask myself as my hand reaches for the doorframe. At the same time I try to clear my mind of my own clutter and my guesses why he has chosen to keep this appointment under these circumstances.

5 o’clock – The child in Room 3 is an 11-month-old with a fever. He belongs to the pediatric group in town, but probably the slick roads and the late hour are the reasons he is here. A new patient, and a sick child at that, requires me to be unhurried and receptive. I must be aware of how well we connect, so neither this child’s young mother nor I miss something important in our encounter. In this case, the child has an ear infection and the mother is a registered nurse with an older child at home who has recurrent ear infections.

At 5:15 I wish Autumn and the new receptionist a Merry Christmas before I leave through the back door.

Route 1 is covered with snow and the large flakes coming right at me make it impossible to see with high beams. I drive slowly with only my low beams, and don’t see a single moose.

Our house is all lit up for Christmas. In one of the sunroom windows shines the metal star-shaped lamp that hung in my bedroom window when I was a child. I remember coming home from school in the dark, looking up at my star on the third floor of our Swedish apartment building, even closer to the Arctic Circle than where I live now.

I can see my wife in the kitchen window, but she can’t see me in the darkness outside. I quickly stomp the snow off my boots on the wooden steps outside the door. My hand touches the doorframe for balance, physical and spiritual, and as a brief gesture of love and blessing:

I am home. It is Christmas.